Telling A secret to keep me warm
by Amelia McDermid
Summary: While listening to a record with Ianto, Jack tells the story of how he told James about Torchwood and his immortality. Part of the Jack/James series of ficlets.


This is written for a LJ community. it is related to my stories. Seeing a ghost, A distant drive through memories, A Winter walk and A Secret Romance.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood as it is owned by the BBC**

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_I love the winter weather_ crooned the gramophone which sat in the corner of Jack's office while Ianto and Jack sat at his desk drinking cups of hot cocoa. After their trip to the fun fair, Ianto had bribed him into going back to the hub for a nice warm cup of hot cocoa. Now as he looked at the calm Welshman, he wanted to pull him close and dance to the music. Those thoughts soon went away when Ianto put down his cup and started to speak.

"Sir, did you ever tell James about Torchwood?" He asked in a tone that told Jack that he was serious.

Jack cocked his head to the side before answering. "Well actually he already knew."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Really how did he....?"

Jack picked up his cocoa, "He worked as a clerk for the Cardiff branch of the ministry of defence and part of that was paperwork detailing reports between Torchwood and the ministry."

"So he saw your name in a report?" Ianto asked, already knowing the answer.

Jack nodded and got out of seat before heading over to the cabinet where he stored objects from the past. He came back, holding an old styled pistol which looked a little bit like Jack's but earlier twentieth century.

"It's a Webley mark V, the one I have is the Boar War version." Jack explained as he placed it on the table. "And is the gun that James shot me with."

"What why did James shoot you?" Ianto asked, standing up and getting a little angry.

"Relax; sit down there was a perfectly good reason why." Jack assured him, looking at him with those blue eyes, making Ianto sit back down on the chair.

"Well this better be good." Ianto told him, anger still in his voice.

Jack sighed heavily and started to tell his story.

* * *

In 1907, Jack had invited James to the old hotel down near the bay. It was the middle of winter and Jack would remember that James loved the cooler weather, which he said was a nice change from the hot weather he had experienced while living in Australia. James also loved the snow, as Jack had experienced from a snowball fight they had on one of their walks. They had been together for five years and it was the secret of their relationship that had kept their romance alive.

Jack though wanted to tell James about his immortality. A part of him was telling him not to keep secrets from James because of what had happened two years before when James had told Jack about his new job. James had also revealed that he knew about Torchwood because of reports that came through the ministry. Jack loved James so much that he torn about if he should tell James or not about his secret. He didn't want James to feel bad that in the end their relationship was doomed but he already had the feeling that James already knew because of the laws.

"What's the matter?" James asked Jack, as he got dressed after their 'dancing' session. Jack looked at him, disappointment showing in his eyes.

"Why are you getting dressed?" Jack whined, grabbing for his pants.

"Jack! I want to go for a walk if you don't mind." James replied, while slapping away Jack's hand. "On my own!" He added when he saw Jack grab for a shirt that lay on the ground.

Jack crawled out of the bed and put an arm around James' back and put their foreheads together.

"Well you better not stay away too long." Jack warned him. "Or I'll miss you too much."

James smiled. "I promise Jack." Before kissing him softly on the cheek and Jack let him go, still a little bit disappointed.

As James turned towards the entrance, Jack got the urge to tell him his secret and without thinking blurted out.

"I can't die."

James turned around and looked at him. "I'm sorry?"

"I said that I can't die." Jack said, still standing there naked.

"What do you mean you can't die?" James asked, worry showing in his voice.

"I don't know how it happened but a long time ago I died but was brought back to life. Since then I found out the incident has made me immortal...."

"You must be joking; nobody can live forever and not be able to die." James told him, now getting a little bit off edge. "Really you must be joking!"

"I'm not James, really I'm not." Jack told him, the tone in his voice showing that he might be telling the truth.

Without thinking James walked over to the little table next to the bed and opened the drawer. Pulling out a newish service revolver and pointed it at Jack. Without warning he pulled the trigger and Jack fell back on the bed, with blood splattering against the wall.

The gun shot brought James back to reality as he ran over to the bed. Tears were streaming down his face as he cradled Jack in his arms. How was he going to explain this to the police when he called them? Would he have to tell them that it was self defence? But from what? He didn't want to go down the line of saying that he was proving the story that Jack couldn't die. It was absurd in itself. As the thoughts ran through his head, he looked at Jack's face and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Oh did some one kiss me?" Jack asked looking up at James a few minutes later. James jumped up from the bed and quickly ran out the door.

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"What happened next?" Ianto asked after Jack had finished that part of the story.

"Well I found him down at the pier, shaking and I remember that I tried to hold him but he walked away without a saying a word."

"Well yeah Jack, he had just witnessed you come back to life, no wonder his was shaking." Ianto said sarcastically. "You have to remember that I was the same...."

"Of course, you could let me go on with the story please."

Ianto smiled. "Yes do go on."

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A few hours later James returned to the hotel to find Jack sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. James could hear him softly weep and with a sigh he walked over to the bed, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"It's ok Jack, I'm here." James assured him, making Jack look up.

"Are you ok?" Jack asked James, as he wiped away his tears.

"Well my head hurts because I've had five scotches." James replied before lying back on the bed. "Still I'm trying to figure out if this afternoon's events were just a dream."

Jack turned to look at him. "I will tell you that you didn't dream it James, you really did shoot me with that revolver, cradle me in your arms and I woke up to the touch of your lips."

"That's the thing, you can't die Jack." James said sitting up and looking into his eyes. "I shot you clearly in the forehead, which would have killed you instantly."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"I don't know Jack, very _bloody _scared that one day I will die and you will live on, unchanged and have to deal with losing people that you might love in the future while you stay among the _living_..."

Jack pulled him into an embrace and cradled him while tears streamed down James' face. He couldn't help but feel the same way. He was also bloody scared and he didn't know how he was going to deal with it. Later that night they just in each others arms, just glad that they had each other to hold on to.

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"How do you cope with it?" Ianto asked after Jack had finally finished the story. "That everybody you have ever loved as died while you lived on."

"I've just learnt to accept it but it hadn't hardened my heart." Jack replied, picking up the revolver. "I will still go through the emotions like anybody would. As I said after James' funeral I got drunk down at the local pub. Though the difference between then and now is I have learnt to move on but still respect their memory."

Ianto nodded and stood up.

"Would I have this dance sir?" He asked stretching out his hand.

Jack nodded. "Yes I would love to dance, Ianto Jones."

_Because I have my love to keep me warm _the gramophone crooned as Jack held Ianto close to him.

_Please remember to review_


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